Worst Thing About Concussions? Eventual Robot Takeover

Posted: March 10, 2011 by Mickey in Idiot, Sports


Holy shit you have got to be kidding me.  Please tell me that this man doesn’t really have a full-time paying job at a prominent newspaper in America’s 3rd largest sports market.  Rick Telander of the Chicago Sun-Times wrote this little monstrosity back in the middle of February but it wasn’t brought to my attention until recently.

First of all, if you aren’t familiar with this ass-hat’s writing then you’re very fortunate.  This isn’t the first asinine thing he has let dribble out of his laptop and wont be the last.  This is, however, one of the worst.

To spare you from actually having to consume this literary feat that I would compare to a non-sense sandwich served with a side of incomplete thoughts and a desert of insanity I will summarize

-Concussions in sports are bad.

-Telander saw “The Fighter” and “The Social Network” recently and wants to be current.

-Computers are becoming more and more powerful.

-Telander once met Muhammad Ali and Mike Tyson.

-Insert hints of world robot takeover here.

Never once does he begin to allow us into the reasoning behind the linking of these subjects, just alludes that if we keep playing these violent sports, at some point, we will be enslaved by computers and robots.  And the answer is “No,” he is not kidding.

So parents of the world.  I urge you to not allow your children to play sports that could turn their brains into mush.  Not because it can seriously degrade their quality of life as they age but to ensure the future of mankind.  I’ll leave you with Telander’s parting remark, “You can be assured that if the battle between machines and humans ever becomes confrontational, it won’t be won by fists and forearms, helmets and sticks to our delicate heads.”

Study up America, the war is coming.


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