HIGH FIVE – Certain Apple Fans Are Killing Humanity

Posted: March 12, 2011 by Mickey in Rant
Tags: , , ,

Every day something happens that makes me lose a little bit of faith in Mankind.  It’s usually not a lot, just a small percentage here or there.  Today was not one of those days.  Today I nearly gave up entirely on our future as a species.  I work in a mall so I get to see all kinds of embarrassing spectacles of needless purchasing.  In fact, part of my job is to induce said purchases.  I’m a fairly big tech nerd so I have myself indulged in buying fancy products that I don’t really need.  This isn’t about whether or not a person needs a fancy new toy.

As most of you have probably heard something world-changing occurred today.  No, not in Japan.  The iPad 2 was launched.

As I said above, I myself have been prone to buying fancy new toys and this post is not condemning those that just needed to buy Apple’s newest money-maker.  (I do however question the sanity of those who waited in line for 10 hours to get one).  My beef today is with the actions of many of these ass-hats after their purchase.  I witnessed over 100 people today walking around the mall holding their new toy in its pretty Apple bag beaming from ear to ear.  Now this wasnt a “kid-on-Christmas” smile.  It was a “look-how-fucking-cool-I-am” smile.  They waited hours and hours to get one of the most coolest products ever created in the entire world and then instead of going home and actually using it they walk around the mall, not shopping in other stores mind you, just showing off their new status symbol.

I even had the pleasure of viewing, on multiple occasions, total complete strangers recognize that shit eating smile and white bag as they passed by one another and actually engaged in a high-five.  These shit heads are congratulating each other on their coolness.  I guess this is understandable though.  I mean only about 3 million people are going to own one of those things in the next 6 months so I mean yeah, I guess I would do the same thing.  It’s a pretty exclusive club.

At some point I’m sure I’ll give in, sell my original iPad, and pony up for a new tablet of some kind.  But I swear to God, if someone tries to high-five me because they just made the same $600 mistake, the only thing that will keep me from ripping their head off their body will be the fear of my new purchase being damaged in the process.


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