Enough With Jane Lynch Already…

Posted: December 24, 2011 by JS in Its my opinion, I can have it if I like, Rant
Tags: , , , , , ,

Question:

Who decided that we, the general public, are head-over-fucking-heels in love with Jane Lynch?!?

If you’re a right thinking person, you know exactly what I’m talking about.  If you’re scratching your head saying, “Who’s Jane Lynch?”, allow me to bring you up to speed.  You know and/or have seen Jane Lynch in various film and television roles including:

  • Paula (Manager of Smart Tech), The 40 Year-Old Virgin
  • Dr. Linda Freeman (Charlie & Alan’s therapist), Two & a Half Men
  • Sweeny, Role Models
  • Lucy Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
  • Sue Sylvester, Glee

Now, before I really go off the deep end here, I want to make a couple things clear…

  1. Jane Lynch was FUCKING HILARIOUS in The 40 Year-Old Virgin.
  2. She was also good in Role Models.
  3. Her recurring-role in Two & a Half Men is very funny and the casting director deserves a lot of credit for casting her in it.

Now that I got that out of the way… can someone tell me WHY she’s being rammed up our asses every time we turn around?  Yes, she’s got a starring role in Glee, the biggest money-grab since Hanna Montana.  Yet another shameless money-grab designed to move merchandise (backpacks, lunchboxes, t-shirts, posters, and notebooks), spawn spinoffs, be made into two or three films shown on the big screen (plus two or three more released straight-to-DVD), have Broadway shows based off it, etc.

I don’t know about all of you, but EVERY TIME I TURN AROUND I’m slapped in the face with the following commercial:

According to her IMDB page, Lynch has 150+ film and television credits to her name… one of which is still listed as a 2011 release, and three others that are either currently filming or in post-production for 2012 already.  Sure, you Glee fans and other lemmings are quick to pipe up, “Oh, she’s a workaholic… she’s one of the hardest workers in show business.”  No she isn’t.  That means she’s one of the biggest narcissists in show business and thinks her shit doesn’t stink.  Watch the Nook Tablet commercial above and tell me how many Jane Lynch references there are in that 30 second clip.  In fact, I’ll watch it too… we can count together:

  1. 0:00 mark:  “I’m Jane Lynch…”
  2. 0:07 mark:  Lynch’s image can be seen on the screen of the tablet.
  3. 0:10 mark:  The cover of Lynch’s memoir, Happy Accidents is seen on the tablet’s screen.
  4. 0:12 mark:  background actors/singers exclaim (in harmony), “Jane can write!”
  5. 0:14 mark:  Footage of Lynch acting is shown streaming on the device.
  6. 0:20 mark:  While playing “Angry Birds”, Jane says, “I score.”
  7. 0:23 mark:  As the commercial draws to a close, another shot of the device is shown with the Happy Accidents cover on the screen.

For those of you who lost count, or only made it through elementary school, middle school, and high school because your mom serviced the principal over his lunch hour, that was 7… SEVEN… S-E-V-E-N references to Jane Lynch in a 30 second commercial; that equals one new reference every 2.3 seconds.  Still think she’s a workaholic and media darling?  To me it sounds like she’s just in love with herself.  If Ms. Lynch’s publicist happens to be reading this, I’d like to make the following request… the next time Jane wants to bask in her own magnificence, do us all a favor… let her wash down ten quaaludes with a bottle of Wild Turkey and lock her in a room full of mirrors with 50 pounds of coca butter for a weekend.  Then she can have at herself until her little heart’s content…

PS – To all the corporate ad-wizards out there, you’ve sufficiently turned Jane Lynch out.  Unfortunately for you, we’re bored with her now.  Please proceed with parading your next semi-talented C-lister before us and, subsequently, turning them out and relegating them to cutting the ribbon at elementary school playground openings and being the Grand Marshall at various “Fest” and “Days” parades at one-horse towns nationwide.

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