Archive for the ‘Retarded Celebrities’ Category

 

 

So here it goes, lets see how motivated we are in updating this.. Since we last posted a lot has happened… Lindsay Lohan continues to baffle science, AA, and the judicial system in somehow making millions of dollars, and staying out of prison;The first man on the moon has died, and a book about a sexually abusive rich dude is somehow wetting more vagina’s then an entire generations worth of action stars combined.  What does any of this mean??
NOTHING.

 

However, we are dedicated to the art of writing about nonsense, and informing the masses of the things that piss us off.. so sit back and enjoy.

-AB

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Not sure what more needs to be said about this.  Three brave senior citizens discuss(and watch) the awful, Kim Kardashian Sex tape… I have to believe they were as disappointed with it as the rest of us.

 

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-AB

Dude bangs his buddy’s girl.. the story gets better – REDDIT

Bill Clinton has awkward timing – Uproxx

People who hate where they work– TheChive

Bugatti Veyron makes your car look fuckin’ stupid – AutoBlog

Sweet Brown gets Auto-Tuned – YouTube

The Kardashians are 40 million richer/kill me – WWTDD

I understand why Zucherberg wanted it so damn bad – girlsoninstagram

Apple made a couple bucks last quarter – Engadget

Teens getting drunk off hand sanitizer – YAHOO

Rosie O’Donnell is a stupid cunt – IDLYITW

Dude has the Field of Dreams tattooed on his back – WithLeather

 

Lawyer Dog meme gets your pooch off the hookUproxx

Guy smarter than you beats a traffic ticket with nerderyAutoblog

Sara Underwood’s Esquire outakesIdontlikeyouinthatway

If you have $90 Million laying around.. this yacht can be yoursTheChive

Gun myths we all believe…and movies are to blameCracked

Behind the scenes photos from Star WarsFlavorwire

Hologram Tupac to go on tour.  Of course it wouldRollingStone

Lindsay Lohan takes the girls to a meeting and forgets her braTodaySweet

49 Year old Jamie Moyer becomes oldest pitcher to win a MLB gameFox Sports

That’s it… I’m done…

I have written about my Dirty ex-girlfriend on here a few times, and perhaps I may have been a bit harsh at times… but anyone that watched last nights “Voice” can agree to this…..

When your fish nets are stretched to the breaking point, and your buttons start shooting off your top and injuring audience members.. its time to lay off the pizza and get back in the gym. It’s unfathomable how far off the deep end she has gone..  Let’s be real, we have all found ourselves in that “Fat” phase…but last time I checked most of us don’t posses the recourses and cash necessary to stay in shape for years on end.

So this is the end..  I hung on in hope that she would drop the pounds and come back to reality.. but that hope is gone.  Unless she kills someone, or grows a third tit on her forehead, I can’t see a reason to do another Christina post.

**Obviously the picture above is not Christina Aguilera. This is Sara Jean Underwood..  Your eyes should thank me.

Cromartie and his family

Apparently Antonio Cromartie decided that Shawn Kemp has nothing on him, and went for the baker’s dozen.  This will be Cromartie’s 11th and 12th children, four of which from his current wife.  The other 8 are spread out amongst 7 other women…..SEVEN. You can’t make shit like this up.  I hope they reference these news articles ten years from now when he’s dead broke and in jail for being years behind in child support and alimony.  My favorite part of the story being reported on FOX News is the part where they describe his inability to name all of his children when he was asked..

 

Ten bucks says these aren’t his last children..

 

 

I have posted previously on my slightly unhealthy curiosity with all things Lohan, so when she makes a public rebellion against under garments, it tends to catch my attention.  So here she is, sans bra,  leaving some place I could care less about and looking a little healthier than she has in the not so distant past. If you are looking for some sharing of wisdom, I aint got shit,  So Enjoy.

**If you were looking for more of this madness, do a google search Perv

Ok Ok I lied…here you go 🙂 Gawker.com(NSFW)

*Source Daily Mail

Kate Upton Grabs a cock

My day started off great.  Woke up late, got breakfast, strolled into work when I felt like it, Sports Illustrated Photoshootand even stopped by my boss’s office to offer a good word.  Not bad. Then I click Fox Sports and I see this as the headline, “Sanchez spotted with Kate Upton“.  Are you fucking kidding me? Mark “can’t lead a team of superstars to a respectable standing in the league” Sanchez is reportedly dating Kate Upton, whom if you are not familiar, is quite possibly the sexiest thing that has ever graced the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue and gives men one more reason to page through a Victorias Secret Catalog.

 I don’t get it.  Ok that’s a lie, I do. He’s a professional athlete, a starting QB, and plays for the annoying jets and their fat obnoxious coach.  But you would think she would understand that an emerging star such as herself can at least have some sort of standards.  Look at Gisele; she roped herself Tom Brady.  At least that guy has a few rings to show for himself! I don’t know…perhaps I am overreacting here, but seriously…Mark Sanchez??? Give me a fucking break.  By name he sounds more like something you lookup in Urban Dictionary than an NFL Quarterback.

Hopefully she wisens up before Marky Mark uses his pencil dick and impregnates her.  Granted Orlando Blooms squeeze Miranda Kirr, is just as gorgeous as ever, just months after popping out an 8 lbscreaming bowling ball. But we can’t count on that miracle happening for every model that is tainted by some idiot athlete/actor now can we?. 

 

 Whatever.. the Jets suck.

 

-AB

 

 

 

 

 

Tuesday Night Randoms

Posted: March 30, 2011 by AB in Idiot, Rant, Retarded Celebrities

 

 

Captain America Kicks ass-Traileraddict

Steve-O arrested…this time for not stapeling his balls to his leg– MSNBC

Find all your old cars…then creep the current owners-Checkmyride.com

Sasha Grey talks about porn and a bunch of other stuff that doesnt matter– The Daily Beast

Corvette flips going 200 MPH-Autoblog