Earlier today, the news everywhere is reporting that Joran Van Der Sloot, the guy who not only (Allegedly) killed Natalie Halloway, and then dispatched some young lady down in Brazil, is now going to be bringing his evil offspring into this world.  Let us all thank the young lady that made this amazing decision. I am sure she thought this over very well…This leads me to my next thought…

Seriously ladies…

What the fuck is the matter with you??  Is the “Bad Boy” that irresistible to you? What is it that makes you decide having sex with convicted criminals that exciting?  Don’t give me the whole, “oh that chick must be crazy” speech.  That was null and void the first time some dumb broad sent fan mail to a serial killer.  Notorious Serial Killer Ted Bundy not only received fan mail while on trial, he also fathered a child with a woman he married while in jail…

I will help you with a few things… If the man you are dating falls under one of the following categories, you should choose a different adventure… cuz the one you are currently pursuing is filled with stupidity that will only lead you to sadness, destruction, and a ruined life.  Here you go:

1. Is he in jail? Has he ever spent more than 30 days in jail?

2. Has he been unemployed for the majority of the time you have been together?  Drug dealers, photographers, musicians and artists are not jobs.

3. Does he regularly use a drug not called marijuana? Does he purchase his pot with your money?

4. Has he ever beaten a woman? Has he ever beaten anyone over something other than protecting a woman or child?

5. Has he ever(even allegedly) killed, or raped someone?

6. Is his child to mother ratio more than 3:2?

If your answer to any of these is yes, and you continue to desire said douchebag… then you are what is wrong with this country. Please, continue to find men who murder, rape and steal irresistible and sexy.  If being lonely, poor and or dead is a fantasy to you… then god bless.

Isn’t he just dreamy…

 

Not much to say on this one. Dick Clark went to the Hospital yesterday for what was supposed to be a routine checkup and never left.  He suffered a Heart Attack this morning and was pronounced dead shortly after. What is crazy to me is that he had the coconuts to keep his schtick going even after a stroke robbed him of his voice and most of his motor functions.

That beings said, I do not wish to remember Mr.Clark as the man who painfully brought in the new year the last couple of years.. So enjoy these pictures of Dick Clark’s Flintstone house! Located on 23 lush acres in the heart of Malibu.  What kind of person builds a house modeled after a 1960’s cartoon on 23 acres of prime ocean front real estate.

A fucking awesome person.. that’s who. And THAT is the Dick Clark I will remember.

 

 

Lawyer Dog meme gets your pooch off the hookUproxx

Guy smarter than you beats a traffic ticket with nerderyAutoblog

Sara Underwood’s Esquire outakesIdontlikeyouinthatway

If you have $90 Million laying around.. this yacht can be yoursTheChive

Gun myths we all believe…and movies are to blameCracked

Behind the scenes photos from Star WarsFlavorwire

Hologram Tupac to go on tour.  Of course it wouldRollingStone

Lindsay Lohan takes the girls to a meeting and forgets her braTodaySweet

49 Year old Jamie Moyer becomes oldest pitcher to win a MLB gameFox Sports

That’s it… I’m done…

I have written about my Dirty ex-girlfriend on here a few times, and perhaps I may have been a bit harsh at times… but anyone that watched last nights “Voice” can agree to this…..

When your fish nets are stretched to the breaking point, and your buttons start shooting off your top and injuring audience members.. its time to lay off the pizza and get back in the gym. It’s unfathomable how far off the deep end she has gone..  Let’s be real, we have all found ourselves in that “Fat” phase…but last time I checked most of us don’t posses the recourses and cash necessary to stay in shape for years on end.

So this is the end..  I hung on in hope that she would drop the pounds and come back to reality.. but that hope is gone.  Unless she kills someone, or grows a third tit on her forehead, I can’t see a reason to do another Christina post.

**Obviously the picture above is not Christina Aguilera. This is Sara Jean Underwood..  Your eyes should thank me.

Cromartie and his family

Apparently Antonio Cromartie decided that Shawn Kemp has nothing on him, and went for the baker’s dozen.  This will be Cromartie’s 11th and 12th children, four of which from his current wife.  The other 8 are spread out amongst 7 other women…..SEVEN. You can’t make shit like this up.  I hope they reference these news articles ten years from now when he’s dead broke and in jail for being years behind in child support and alimony.  My favorite part of the story being reported on FOX News is the part where they describe his inability to name all of his children when he was asked..

 

Ten bucks says these aren’t his last children..

 

 

Ok.. so I lied.  But a dusty old Mercedes just crossed the block for the obscene amount just south of $5,000,000 dollars.  That’s a lot of fucking zeros. Not saying the rare piece of automotive machinery wasnt worth it, but there are a lot of things a man can do with that kind of coin. In fact, my girlfriend has shared on more than one occasion that she would be scared if the day ever came where I would have mass amounts of disposable income.  I don’t think I am too far off to suggest I would crowd my house with random trinkets, purchase odd and ridiculous items on a mere whim, install various trap doors and hidden rooms in my home and quite possibly involve myself in the black market trading of antiquities and exotic animals.

That being said, the car above lacks many of the conveniences that I simply cannot live without at 29 years of age.  Namely bluetooth, Ipod connectivity and seat warmers.  A fucking Hyundai Elantra has these items, and that car is an ungodly piece of shit.

Here is the vehicle in question:

 Owning a vehicle such as this would honestly serve two purposes. One, to let everyone on my block know that I am an insufferable douchebag, willing to spend more on a single car than some countries produce any given year. Second, the only justifiable reason to own this car would be to pretend you are a British Secret Agent.  Were talking Armani suit wearing, piece carrying, 3 different alias’ with passports to various European countries… the works.

I have posted previously on my slightly unhealthy curiosity with all things Lohan, so when she makes a public rebellion against under garments, it tends to catch my attention.  So here she is, sans bra,  leaving some place I could care less about and looking a little healthier than she has in the not so distant past. If you are looking for some sharing of wisdom, I aint got shit,  So Enjoy.

**If you were looking for more of this madness, do a google search Perv

Ok Ok I lied…here you go 🙂 Gawker.com(NSFW)

*Source Daily Mail

Call it whatever you wish, but Joe Paterno went from being healthy as a horse, to dead in a matter of 3 months.   Some will call it Karma for what transpired in the Jerry Sandusky scandal.. I prefer to call it a tragedy.  45 years on the job, more NCAA Division 1 wins than any other at 409, saw over 200 of his former players go onto professional football, and respected for pushing his players to excel on and off the field.

I strongly believe that a man should be judged on his entire body of work, than any one particular situation.  He was a standup guy for most of his days, and made a terrible..terrible, mistake. He failed to act when he alone was in a position to make his most grand act..  but nobody can say exactly what happened that day and the minutes and hours after, and nobody knows exactly how they would have reacted in that situation.

Rest in Piece Joe. Your efforts and contributions will not be forgotten.

 

***This is British hottie Rosie Jones, not Casey Anthony obv.

This is less about Casey “Fucking” Anthony, and more of a plea to the American Public.  Stop.  Stop caring about this cold-hearted bitch. Stop.  Enough about some dipshit supposedly hacking her computer. Stop.  No more TMZ, People Magazine, Nancy Grace and all the rest who find it necessary to publicize a person who has and will continue to try to profit from her innocent daughters death.  She is the scum of the earth, the gum under my shoe, the shit crusted on my dogs ass, and the lowest of the low.

Can we please all agree…people like this should not be romanticized.  Like the dumb bitches who wrote Ted Bundy love letters when he was on trial for murdering at least 30 young women.. This shit has to stop.  Our opinions matter when someone hurts or endangers a child.  People SHOULD care when some horrible piece of shit decides the life of another person is less important than their own.  But when the dust settles, the trial is over, and life resumes….let’s not glorify them.  Let’s isolate that poor bastard and get them off our TV’s.   Knowing what some serial rapist ate for breakfast this morning, or watching Casey Anthony on YouTube will not save some kid from getting beaten nor does it enrich the livesof anyone. If you feel your life is better after sending a murderer fan mail, then you need to get your head checked.

So please.. next time you decide to pick up that magazine or read some Yahoo article about the life of a douchebag.  Stop.

Oh…Here’s another look at Rosie.. In case you were looking 🙂

You’re welcome -AB