Posts Tagged ‘Slinky-like Ark House’

Here’s a post that I did for another blog earlier this year that I just happened to go back and look at.  You never know, maybe this will get the rant-wheel rolling again…


What’s the world coming to?!?

January 10, 2011

Seriously… didn’t a tragic and horrible event take place in Tucson, Arizona on Saturday?

Granted, I could have been hallucinating (I have been known to take peyote, wash it down with gallons of “Incredible Hulks” and listen to Strawberry Alarm Clock and the Crazy World of Arthur Brown… on repeat), but I seem to recall some gun-wielding-nut job crashing a town hall-style meeting in front of a shopping center. When all was said and done, 6 people (including a Federal judge and a 9 year old girl) lost their lives and 14 others were injured. Sound familiar? I assume that, unless you live on a glacier, you know what I’m talking about.

Now that I’ve set the scene for you, take a look below at what I saw when I went to my Internet homepage this evening:

Now before you jump down my throat, I understand how things work. I know every story gets their five minutes of fame here, while thumbnails of previous stories are shown below. But a “Slinky-like ‘Ark'” house? Really?!? Since when did shitty science fiction become more newsworthy than what happened in Tucson? Prepare to be delighted with a few verses from the slide show that accompanied this link:

“The foil is recyclable, self-cleaning, lighter, more durable and more economic than glass.”

“…can be built to float on water, and can withstand rising tides and floods of biblical proportion.”

“…can also be constructed in earthquake zones.”

“The basement can store wind, thermal, and solar energy for up to six months, which can then turn into electricity.”

So let me get this straight… the structure is God-proof? For those unfamiliar with one of the world’s three major religions, God CREATED the world and then sent a flood to “shake the Etch-a-Sketch”. Do you really think your buoyant, self-cleaning habitrail can compete with that? Ever seen Star Wars? The Death Star was destroyed by Luke piloting an X-wing with his targeting computer TURNED OFF! Do me a favor, don’t tempt fate that way; I’d like to get married and start a family some day.

Why is this news?!? Is there even such a thing as “self-cleaning foil”? If it’s anything like “self-cleaning” ovens, I’ll pass. After all, I’ve seen self-cleaning ovens defeated by baked on spills from tater tot hotdish. I’ll consider allowing you to make an announcement when you’ve got a working prototype but until then, back to the drawing board.

It’s a shame we can’t give events like what happened this past Saturday the time and respect they deserve. The engraving isn’t even finished on the tombstones and we’ve already moved on to solving over-population by modeling shelters after toys created during World War II. Come on folks, it *is* too soon for “news” like this…

On a more positive note… it’s nice to see Malcolm-Jamal Warner trending. I’m a huge Cosby Show fan.