fees…Fees…FEES!!!!

The last few days have seen Twitter, tech blogs and now every reporting news outlet, reporting on Verizon Wireless and the new $2 convenience charge for using a Credit Card to pay your damn bill.  2 Bucks. For some, this will be of little consequence as they pay by good ol’ written/mailed check, and others will just simply switch payment methods in order to circumvent the FEE.  But to many, who rely of plastic to get them through this payday, this is another way for Corporate America to stick it to the man.

Fees have become corporate america’s lifeline, and as consumers its time we all wisen up and take notice. Do you ever look over your bills and itemize the amount of bullshit FEES you are charged each month?? It’s ridiculous!  I can understand in some lines of work the purpose of a FEE.  I used to work for a retail business that charged a $9 fee for the service we did.  This fee wasnt sugar-coated, it was what it was…9 bucks tacked on at the end to ensure an area of consistent profit to help operate the business.  We were a very small company, and the revenue was in constant flux, so to rely on this $9 helped keep us in business.  The thing is, we didn’t give it a bullshit name, or try to hide it, nor were we passing on a cost of running the business to our customer.

That being said, more and more companies are using fees to cover up for losses elsewhere and stick it to the customer in a way they can’t get around. This $2 fee is very easy to breakdown. Credit Card companies are being pressured by our Gov’t to be more “Consumer Friendly”.  They have been hammered the last few years for unfair practices and for the high interest rates they charge as well as the “FEES” consumers occur from using plastic. The Credit Card Companies see this and watch profits fall as they are now being more heavily regulated and cannot hammer every poor bastard out there with nonsense FEES and inflated interest rates.. so they simply pass this cost onto the large corporations that use their services.  In this case Verizon Wireless and the 107 million active subscribers they have.  Verizon looks at this and says, I don’t want to get stuck paying the 45 cents in credit card fees that this customer is costing me, even though they already pay to be a subscriber and I am making a hefty profit on them as it sits, so I will pass along a $2 fee.  This helps us in a few ways. For those with the means, they will simply switch to an alternate form of payment, and I will get my money at a lower fee( Verizon will still pay a fee for Check Processing). The other way this helps me (Verizon) is any poor sucker that can’t make these arrangements will have to take that $2 in the ass every month. To you and I 2 bucks isn’t going to kill anyone.. but lets consider the possible windfall for Verizon on this.. If 60% of all Verizon users get stuck paying that fee, in one months time Verizon will have increased revenue in the amount of $128 million dollars…in 1 month.  If Verizon is in fact paying out over 100 million dollars a month for Card Processing Services(They are not) then let me be the first to say they are fools to be paying that high of a rate. But that is not the case, this is for PROFIT, and they are using this FEE to get it rather than increase prices across the board.

It’s not just Verizon..its every major corporation.  This country is in shambles because of shit like this.  Our politicians think new legislation to make the large corporations play more fair and look out for the little guy will fix this country, and that is fucking stupid.  When revenue is reduced, they simply pass the costs onto the little guy.  They will continue to find a way to reach profit goals and fill their greedy pockets with more money than anyone of us will ever see.

Fuck em.

More info- MSN Money EngadgetMobile

The “Party Toddler”…

Internet “Memes’ are fascinating in a “I just saw a raccoon get hit by a semi at 75 mph” sort of way.  You aren’t 100% sure why its funny, or how to explain what you saw… but you find it disturbingly entertaining all the same.

This brings us to the “Party Toddler”.  Apparently this picture was posted on Reddit by her mother graceful_klutz,  with the caption “My daughter is not a morning person”. Obviously it took all of 3 minutes for the picture to hit the internet jet stream and hundreds of  spoofs, using the picture above as the center point.  In any case, I found the following to be rather amusing, and I am sure this kid will laugh her ass off about it when she goes to college.  Hopefully for her parents sake she decides to not embody the “Party Toddler look” when she leaves the nest.

Enjoy! *Source link and more at the bottom of post

Click here for more Party Toddler-Uproxx.com

Via-Reddit

Enough With Jane Lynch Already…

Question:

Who decided that we, the general public, are head-over-fucking-heels in love with Jane Lynch?!?

If you’re a right thinking person, you know exactly what I’m talking about.  If you’re scratching your head saying, “Who’s Jane Lynch?”, allow me to bring you up to speed.  You know and/or have seen Jane Lynch in various film and television roles including:

• Paula (Manager of Smart Tech), The 40 Year-Old Virgin
• Dr. Linda Freeman (Charlie & Alan’s therapist), Two & a Half Men
• Sweeny, Role Models
• Lucy Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
• Sue Sylvester, Glee

Now, before I really go off the deep end here, I want to make a couple things clear…

1. Jane Lynch was FUCKING HILARIOUS in The 40 Year-Old Virgin.
2. She was also good in Role Models.
3. Her recurring-role in Two & a Half Men is very funny and the casting director deserves a lot of credit for casting her in it.

Now that I got that out of the way… can someone tell me WHY she’s being rammed up our asses every time we turn around?  Yes, she’s got a starring role in Glee, the biggest money-grab since Hanna Montana.  Yet another shameless money-grab designed to move merchandise (backpacks, lunchboxes, t-shirts, posters, and notebooks), spawn spinoffs, be made into two or three films shown on the big screen (plus two or three more released straight-to-DVD), have Broadway shows based off it, etc.

I don’t know about all of you, but EVERY TIME I TURN AROUND I’m slapped in the face with the following commercial:

According to her IMDB page, Lynch has 150+ film and television credits to her name… one of which is still listed as a 2011 release, and three others that are either currently filming or in post-production for 2012 already.  Sure, you Glee fans and other lemmings are quick to pipe up, “Oh, she’s a workaholic… she’s one of the hardest workers in show business.”  No she isn’t.  That means she’s one of the biggest narcissists in show business and thinks her shit doesn’t stink.  Watch the Nook Tablet commercial above and tell me how many Jane Lynch references there are in that 30 second clip.  In fact, I’ll watch it too… we can count together:

1. 0:00 mark:  “I’m Jane Lynch…”
2. 0:07 mark:  Lynch’s image can be seen on the screen of the tablet.
3. 0:10 mark:  The cover of Lynch’s memoir, Happy Accidents is seen on the tablet’s screen.
4. 0:12 mark:  background actors/singers exclaim (in harmony), “Jane can write!”
5. 0:14 mark:  Footage of Lynch acting is shown streaming on the device.
6. 0:20 mark:  While playing “Angry Birds”, Jane says, “I score.”
7. 0:23 mark:  As the commercial draws to a close, another shot of the device is shown with the Happy Accidents cover on the screen.

For those of you who lost count, or only made it through elementary school, middle school, and high school because your mom serviced the principal over his lunch hour, that was 7… SEVEN… S-E-V-E-N references to Jane Lynch in a 30 second commercial; that equals one new reference every 2.3 seconds.  Still think she’s a workaholic and media darling?  To me it sounds like she’s just in love with herself.  If Ms. Lynch’s publicist happens to be reading this, I’d like to make the following request… the next time Jane wants to bask in her own magnificence, do us all a favor… let her wash down ten quaaludes with a bottle of Wild Turkey and lock her in a room full of mirrors with 50 pounds of coca butter for a weekend.  Then she can have at herself until her little heart’s content…

PS – To all the corporate ad-wizards out there, you’ve sufficiently turned Jane Lynch out.  Unfortunately for you, we’re bored with her now.  Please proceed with parading your next semi-talented C-lister before us and, subsequently, turning them out and relegating them to cutting the ribbon at elementary school playground openings and being the Grand Marshall at various “Fest” and “Days” parades at one-horse towns nationwide.

Friday Breakdown-Honda’s, Kardashians and other Bullshit

Seeing as it’s the Friday before Xmas, and I will most likely be ignoring my computer till monday(Ok.. ok.. Sunday at the very latest), I should probably dedicate my posts to Xmas.  That being said, I can’t completely ignore everything else that is going on..  So forgive me If I am pulling a DeFranco , but I am going to quickly run through a couple stories that jumped out at me this morning..

The first thing I want to dive into, is probably the most interesting to me.  Being that I spend most my days trying to convince senior citizens to use their retirement money and buy a new Camry or Prius, this AutoBlog post kinda grabbed me by the nuts.  In 2011, Honda released a re-designed Civic to the masses.  If you aren’t old enough to purchase a car, or simply one of those redneck, all-american, “I only buy domestic vehicles” kinda folks.. it may shock you to know the Honda Civic is generally held as one of the most well-built, reliable, safest cars around…And this is coming from a guy that sells Toyota’s.  The fact they came out with a design change in 11 is not the reason for this post, the reason this is news, is the fact that the 2012 Civic was universally panned by nearly anyone in the car biz with a keyboard and a website.  The car is simply awful.  The interior is cheap, it handles like shit, and for a brand built on quality, this car is the opposite.  So what does Honda do? Honda dealers nationwide are being told that a new NEW Civic will be on the showroom for 2012 as a 2013 model.  You could say that Honda has heard loud and clear the disgust regarding Honda’s flagship whip, and is just being pro-active, and you may be right…What I see is anyone who purchased one of these lemon Honda’s…the car that only came out for one year…suing Honda for the piece of shit car they were sold.  Just think…5 years down the road, and you want to trade or “gasp” sell your 2012 Civic.

  How hard will that car be to get rid of?  “Oh, what year is your Honda? Umm.. the car that only came out for one year and was changed the very next year because it was a pile of fucking shit? No thanks.”  Nice work Honda!

On to the next order of business, Kris Humphries was voted the most hated man in the NBA. This is exactly why I hate the professional Basketball. I apologize if you have a brain the size of a walnut and you enjoy watching these douchbags play a game that should be reduced to one 5 minute quarter, but these witless wonders of the world spend WAY too much time patting themselves on the back and thinking about what outfit they are going to wear post game.  The mere fact that Humphries is more “Hated” then lets see…Kobe the Rapist? How bout, Ron “I turned an arena into a bar room brawl then changed my name to Metta World Peace” Artest?  Even more despised than Lebron “I need a stacked roster in order to get a chance at a title”  James? More hated than *****”I have 15 children out of wedlock that I don’t pay child support for”*****(name redacted as it could apply to at least 25 different NBA players/Coaches/Radio Announcers.  The guy is “Hated” because he married a fucking Kardashian,  and the folks at E have done an amazing job turning him into a villain.

Lets take a look at this should we?

And why is he hated exactly??  Lets be honest…I dont care who you are, but if you had a shot at Kim Kardashian…you would take it.  Now, getting married to her is something different entirely, but I still can’t hate him for it.  So lets cut the big guy a break.  He is probably glad he wont have to deal with her mutant sister and the rest of the whiney pieces of shit that associate themselves with this family.

Have a Merry Xmas everyone!

-AB

Photo Foolishness #3

Those who know me, know I am a literalist.  Those who know me really well know that I have some hypervigilance to me as well… in other words, I’ve got very sensitive senses and notice “everything”.

With that being said, while making chili a few weeks ago, I noticed the “Easy Open!” claim on the side of the can of roasted tomatoes shown above.

Forgive me but… how in the *%#@ is that “Easy Open”?!?  Where’s the pull tab on the top?!?  The twist-off lid?!?  The little part of the label that I peel off, thus causing the side of the can to burst?!?  When I hear “Easy Open”, I generally think of things like:

• Automatic doors at the grocery store.
• Soda cans.
• The wallets of rich actors in the middle of a week-long coke binge.
• The legs of a blonde hotel heiress.

If, in order to open the can and access your product, I use the the same tool that was patented in 1855, it is NOT “Easy Open”!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to have a word with Corporate America…

STOP FUCKING US AROUND!

You like moving pictures?? How bout some Humpday GIF’s?

Thanks to The Chive and SenorGif for the material!

Mark Sanchez does not deserve this.

My day started off great.  Woke up late, got breakfast, strolled into work when I felt like it, and even stopped by my boss’s office to offer a good word.  Not bad. Then I click Fox Sports and I see this as the headline, “Sanchez spotted with Kate Upton“.  Are you fucking kidding me? Mark “can’t lead a team of superstars to a respectable standing in the league” Sanchez is reportedly dating Kate Upton, whom if you are not familiar, is quite possibly the sexiest thing that has ever graced the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue and gives men one more reason to page through a Victorias Secret Catalog.

 I don’t get it.  Ok that’s a lie, I do. He’s a professional athlete, a starting QB, and plays for the annoying jets and their fat obnoxious coach.  But you would think she would understand that an emerging star such as herself can at least have some sort of standards.  Look at Gisele; she roped herself Tom Brady.  At least that guy has a few rings to show for himself! I don’t know…perhaps I am overreacting here, but seriously…Mark Sanchez??? Give me a fucking break.  By name he sounds more like something you lookup in Urban Dictionary than an NFL Quarterback.

Hopefully she wisens up before Marky Mark uses his pencil dick and impregnates her.  Granted Orlando Blooms squeeze Miranda Kirr, is just as gorgeous as ever, just months after popping out an 8 lbscreaming bowling ball. But we can’t count on that miracle happening for every model that is tainted by some idiot athlete/actor now can we?. 

 

 Whatever.. the Jets suck.

 

-AB

 

 

 

 

 

The Hobbit gets a Trailer

Yes, I know.. This is rather Geeky.. But you wanna know what? Go fuck yourself. If you didn’t think the “Lord of the Rings” Trilogy was any good, or you thought you were too cool to see it, then I pity your sad, pathetic, miserable life.

Flickr’s top 18 pics of 2011

The year is coming to a close, and every website imaginable is coming out with their annual “Best of 2011” shit.  That being said, I found this post interesting, so give it a click and check out Flickr’s most newsworthy pictures of 2011 and see if you agree.

-AB

The mighty fall of a tech giant.

Just 5 short years ago, RIM had it all. Palm had started to lose its luster in the growing Smartphone game, and it seemed like anyone important was holding a Blackberry. This wonderous device could do everything!  It was a handheld personal assistant, capable of managing your schedule, maintaining your emails, browsing the internet, and much more.  When RIM announced the Blackberry Pearl in the Summer of 2006 it set a new standard.  What was known as a device held by corporate honchos, CEO’s and world leaders, was now something that the average consumer could pick up and use for day to day tasks.  The Pearl sported a revamped OS and, “Gasp” a Camera w/flash! It was exciting times for RIM as they all but owned the Smartphone game, accounting for nearly 80% of worldwide data devices being sold.  Blackberry was the device to be had, and many celebrities were photographed using the popular device.

But that was then..this is now.  Today Blackberry devices are out of favor and being passed over by nearly EVERYONE purchasing a smartphone.  Why?  RIM failed to realize the very thing that made them popular in the first place, innovation, was a continuous never-ending process and instead sat back and watched the rest of the field catch up and beat them at a game they owned the rights to.  You want a Browser, Android, Apple, hell even PALM had one that was faster and more useful. You want Apps?  RIM created the market for Apps on a device, years before anyone else, but Android and Apple have them beat, 200,000-1 billion times more.  You want creative designs and captivating marketing..yep, Google and Apple kick Blackberry’s sweet ass.  RIM simply fucked the dog on this one, and unfortunately no rabbit in the hat is going to bring it back. RIM has become PALM.  They just don’t know it yet. Within the next two years I will prophesize that RIM will cease to exist in hardware form. The mighty Canadian company that once held over 30 million global subscribers will inevitably become an App.  An operation that developed and manufactured the entire experience from top to bottom will become something you download on your Iphone or Droid.   Reuters is reporting that RIM may need to ditch the hardware part of the business in order to just survive.

In the end, RIM may fail, and Apple and Google will chew up the market share left behind.  With Palm finished, and Microsoft still clinging to life, you never know what the future will hold.  Personally I have owned/used nearly every type of cellular device in existence, and the one thing I will say is, when there was only one choice, and everyone had a Blackberry, you certainly didn’t have the buyers remorse you have now.  I just recently switched from my 4th Android device to the Iphone, and while there are many similarities, they are very different.  Both seem to offer something the other doesn’t, while also completely failing at the thing the other does well.  The crazy thing is, how much the Iphone and Android devices have changed over the last 3 years, and how little the Blackberry has changed.  For a company trying to dig itself from an early grave, you really need to have a game changer.  One look at Motorola will show how revamping the way you approach new products can take a company from the brink to sudden relevance all over again.

C’mon RIM.  Wow us.  Show your remaining few subscribers that there is still life left in the Blackberry tank.  Develop a product that is familiar, yet completely different from anything we have ever seen.  Create something that is smooth, fast, sexy and useful while never-resting to perfect it.

Oh wait…thats what Apple does.  Every 6 months.